Put your mouth where your heart is

Photo by May-Cristof

In my Ph.D. studies these days I am working on a few projects dealing with intragroup conflict. One question that comes up in the literature is whether to openly discuss “relationship conflict” – interpersonal tensions and incompatibilities. In other words, if a colleague or teammate behavior offended, angered or made you uncomfortable, should you ignore it or should you bring it up and openly discuss it? Some empirical findings suggest that the best way is to avoid any open discussion of such conflicts, as it leads to decreased team performance and satisfaction levels. My approach is different as I believe that this approach is not only impractical it could have problematic long-term implications. That is why I was delighted to encounter this verse in Leviticus 19:

Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart: thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor, and not bear sin because of him.

I love this verse for several reasons. First, it encourages us to interact with our fellow-men and women. Second, it recognizes the emotional toll involved in holding feeling in. Third, and this is my dual reading in Hebrew and English helps, it sees the “sin” as holding thing in. While some interpretations see this as saying you have to speak up when somebody else sins (which I generally agree with), here, I think the focus is about not holding things in. It doesn’t have to be a sin by the other person, but it becomes one if you do not speak about it, because if you don’t tell that person, he or she cannot know what is in your heart. Forth, and most importantly, I think this is where the bible again touches on those everyday struggles. Each and every one of us faces the question: should I talk with him/her or not? Should I say something? And the unequivocal answer we read here is: “yes, you should, for you!”.

Usually we say put your money where your mouth is. The bible tells us that it is just as important (for us) to put our mouths where our heart is.

Elad